Another Mind Dump

I suppose I only blog when I'm pissed off. Right now I am in a very scary state of mind. I wonder if this is the way I should remain or just how I need to NOT be...my demons are suffocating me. They are too heavy for me to push away on my own, but there isn't a soul in this world that cares enough about me to even consider helping me. It doesn't matter. I've decided not to fight them any more. Away with innocence that only gets my heart broken. Enough with kindness that is seen as weakness. I'm sick of this shit. I'm alone, but I am not lonely. I need  NO ONE. I will never be that vulnerable again. I have power over my life. Fuck everyone else. Fuck Jai, Jamal, Daddy, etc...

I start my full time hours next week at my job. Philip, one of my only "friends" at work told me that he makes about 700 dollars a paycheck but he gets few hours of over time here and there. If I can make that much, I can stay where I am and save money long enough to get a car. While I'm working, I will be going back to school, as I finally have enough money to get my transcripts and my application fee paid for. Perhaps it's wrong to want to shove my success in their faces, but I will...I want them to suffer as they have made me suffer. They killed my soul, or so they tried. I have news for them, I am well and ALIVE...and I will burn down any motherfucker who gets in my way. My new anthem is "No more mister nice guy" FUCK THEM FUCK THEM FUCK THEM. Now, for the first time in my life, it's all about me, me, me, me, me. HELL HATH NO FUCKING FURY LIKE A WOMAN'S SCORN. Revenge IS sweet...and it will be the icing on this cake called my future. I don't have to rub in in their faces, I just have to live it. And I shall, motherfuckers, I SHALL SUCCEED.

I am finally content in my own flesh...I AM A POWERHOUSE. Watch me, motherfuckers...watch me! I don't care...the pain I've had for so long is diminishing every day. Soon, I will be ready to fly. I have the power and finally the drive...all that's lacking the time to make every little thing perfect. Perfect body, perfect everything. KISS MY FUCKING ASS!!! I hope you suffer, just like you made me suffer...and I will laugh so merrily as I trample your heart and your soul and try to kill your spirit. But, where you could not succeed, I shall...and it will be fucking glorious.